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Just Because The Phone Rings...

Brrrrrringgg. The telephone rang. It was as predictable as Niagara Falls. We had just sat down to a piping hot dinner, so of course the telephone would ring. My wife reminded me that just because the phone rings, doesn't mean we have to answer it, but. "Hello," I answered.

"Good evening, sir. I am calling to let you know about a fantabulous new insurance program that will protect you, your family and everyone you ever meet from warts," The Voice declared. "Isn't this an exciting time to be spending on this planet?" "Are you trying to sell something?" I asked suspiciously, knowing that the answer would be. "Not at all, sir," The Voice assured me. "I am just calling to let you know that you can now be protected against warts for much less than you would think.

" He greatly overestimated my fascination with the actuarial aspects of living wartlessly. "And you are not trying to sell me anything?" I asked hopefully. "Of course not," The Voice repeated. "I am calling to protect your entire family from warts forever." "My grandmother is already protected against warts forever," I mused out loud. Complete silence. "How did she do that?" The Voice asked with subdued awe. "She died," I replied. "She's been protected for forty years, now. We suspect that she will remain protected forever.

" "Uh. I see," The Voice replied. "You, too, can be protected against warts." "You want me to die?" I asked. "No." "Honey, this telemarketer is threatening me," I called out into the kitchen. "Well get back here, then," my wife responded. "Your dinner is getting cold." "Now look here," The Voice began. "Now see what you've done," I scolded into the telephone.

"You've upset my wife. You could at least have waited until after dinner to threaten me." My wife called out again. "Why do you have to answer the phone during dinner? Just because it rings doesn't mean you have to answer it." I shouted back. "It would be rude not to answer. The Voice took time out of his busy schedule to warn us about warts – the least we can do is take the time to thank him. Now," I said into the phone. "About those threats." "See here, I did not threaten you," The Voice tried to explain.

" I am simply trying to help you get rid of your warts." "Do I have warts?" I asked in amazement. "Sa-ay, how would you know if I have warts?" "I don't. I mean, you might. That is." "Have you gotten rid of the telemarketer yet?" my wife called to me. "Not yet, honey. He's diagnosing my warts," I called back. "No, you misunderstand," The Voice began.


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